Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize