I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
