i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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