1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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