Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
