No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
