Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
