The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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