Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
