You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
