were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
