shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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