I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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