Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
