You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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