Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
