dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
