genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
