im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
