it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
