Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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