He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
