so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
