Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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