Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
