you win again, gameday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
