would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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