I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
