He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize