You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
