I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
