Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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