my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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