Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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