my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's never too late to be topless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
