My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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