this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
COCAINE IS GR8
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
