is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
