glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
