You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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