It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
