I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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