did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
