remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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