I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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