One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
