you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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