I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
