he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
