I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
