i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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