So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
