You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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