i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
