i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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