Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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