He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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