using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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