it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
