it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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