dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
