Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
