she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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