Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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