Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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