I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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