we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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