You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
