Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
